Jo

I just finished watching Oprah’s interview with JK Rowling. She said, at the very end, that there was a girl who stopped her on the street and told her, “You are my childhood."

 

Well, Ms. Rowling, all i can say is, she’s not alone in her sentiments.

 

I am in the verge of tears, not to be dramatic, because i can feel the end of a phase in my life coming all too soon.

 

Dear Jo,

 

It has been a fun ride. I must admit I had no interest to hop on the first time i heard about it. But I believe that picking up your book has been one of the most important decisions i’ve made in my whole life. You provided me with the escape i was so desperate to have. You made it possible for me to believe. You showed me how to find my voice and use it.

 

There are so many things I wish to thank you for. And putting them all down here, right now, seems careless. If I could meet you, and have a conversation with you, I would most likely freeze in my seat and be a nervous wreck the first few minutes but I know that it will not take long before you make me feel like I can talk to you about anything.

 

It’s not just Harry Potter. It’s your life that i am amazed at. How you pulled through such obstacles and triumphed over it all. I, too, have similar obstacles and my heart’s greatest desire is to inspire others as you have inspired millions. Dare I say how similar we are? Because I don’t wish to sound presumptuous  and think I will create something similar to what you have. But that is my wish.

 

Thank you, Jo. You have saved me with what you’ve given me. My escape, into your world, opened me to live the real world. As tough as it may seem at times, your world prepared me for what is out here. And that’s what’s beautiful, i think. People would tell me how big of a dreamer I am. But you are right, to do something, you have to believe it first. And because of that, I know I wont be stuck in one place without fulfilling my dreams.

 

Thank you.

And i have every intention now of writing more about this. I want to read her Harvard speech first.

 

And maybe try and get some sleep.

 

© Maia Vida, October 2nd, 2010

CSS, Typekit…

ugh. it’s late and i dont wanna read the how-to’s for typekit…

i just want different fonts for my headers and everything else in my page…

waah.

Curtain calls

Yesterday’s post was sort of about my boyband chasing days. This night’s post is amusingly about my OPM phase.

 

Senior year in HS till I left, OPM bands have been making quite the scene back home. There’s always that next big thing coming out with some great song that you like the first few times you hear it but then they start playing them in really cheesy local stations and some cheesy TV show uses it in one of their episodes or some guy beside you on the way home ruins the essence of that song for you. I have a couple of those songs.

 

This was also about the same time that i seriously picked up a guitar and started teaching myself how to play. I never got good though. i knew the basics but i never had the rhythm to actually play a song properly.

 

My song tonight reminds me of this one night in HS when a LOT of up-and-coming bands came to my school and played one kick ass show. I was part of crowd control and i got most of the backstage action and it was a heck of an experience trying to play a roadie. The big ticket that night was Rivermaya. Of course, i was not as psyched as i should have been because Bamboo has long left the band and i wasnt as big of a Rico Blanco fan as much as i thought the world of Bamboo. I still wished they had played this song, though. It would have been a hoot hearing this song played live with someone in the same room.

***

 

Am I real? Do the words I speak before you make you feel
That the love I’ve lay for you will see no ending?
Well if you look into my eyes then you should know
That there’s nothing here to doubt nothing to fear
And you can lay your questions down ’cause if you’ll hold me
we can fade into the night and you’ll know

The world could die and everything may lie
Still you shan’t cry. ‘Cause time may pass
But longer than it’ll last I’ll be by your side

Take my hand And gently close your eyes so you could understand
That there’s no greater love tonight than what I’ve for you
Well if you feel the same way for me then let go
We can journey to a garden no one knows
Life is short my darling tell me that you love me
So we can fade into the night and you’ll know

The world could die and everything may lie 
Still you shan’t cry ’cause time may pass
And everything won’t last but I’ll be by your side
Forever by your side.

***

 

“Everybody ready in three!”

 

The final  through the closed curtains as everyone tried to find their place. Each person looked like the next one as I tried to check if anyone who needs to be somewhere is actually there.

 

“Kate! Jordyn! Matt! Ready for center stage, please!” I called amongst the crowd. “Tracy, make sure that after Devin’s scene we have him ready for curtain call this time.” I gave instructions to the gawky girl across the stage. She fumbled with her earphone battery pack, which flew out of her hands, and as she nervously crouched to pick it up, nodded at me and disappeared backstage.

Welcome! :)

Hi reader, whoever you may be. 🙂 do you want to let me knpw who you are and maybe leave a comment everytime you come visit my page?

Thank you very much! 🙂

Teenage Dreams

 

This morning was funny. I was half awake, making myself a “grilled” cheese sandwich, and i remembered something that happened a bajillion years ago.

 

I dont even remember now if i had a weird dream about Howard Dwaine Wright Dorough (yeah, bring on the banter!!!) but i must’ve had some subconscious relapse of some sort to have remembered this one really amazing night when i was 13 or 14.

 

I really dont remember if it was freshman year in HS or 7th grade. But, it was at that year when i had just almost given up on this long-ass fanfiction series that i was writing for my friends.

 

**major cheese alert warning. dont say you weren’t warned.**

 

in 7th grade, i wrote a series of fanfiction about The Moffatt brothers and Gil Ofarim with characters I created based on my friends and certain real events that happened when my classmate met the Moffatt boys personally.

I went to a concert, on a whim, with two of my friends. I say it was on a whim, but really, I had time to make an “artful” drawing of Gil Ofarim with a dirty (and probably non-coherent) German translation of The Moffatts’ song, Written All Over my Heart. It was on one of those illustration boards, you know, those cheesy ones teenyboppers would make for their boyband crushes. yeah, i made one of those. Schriftlich Ganz Uber Mein Herz. I had my little yellow (probably outdated) English-German dictionary and I translated the lyrics painfully. But of course, during that time, i KNEW i was doing it out of love and devotion to this beautiful blue-eyed boy.

So we went, and he was there, and it was a very intimate concert hall. My friend had let me borrow one of her platform ankle-high lace-up boots (Remember, this was also during the height of the Spice Girls’ career so platform boots were the best thing ever) so it gave it about a few inches above the rest of the audience.

And so he did this thing, he did a couple of his old songs. And then he played something I heard about two nights ago thru this radio show interview he did.

“Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?
Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a color TV ?
Dialing For Dollars is trying to find me.
I wait for delivery each day until three,
So oh Lord, won’t you buy me a color TV ?”

 

What do you know, the magic of Bing. All these years i thought he made up that song on his own and i find out just now that this is Janis Joplin.

 

Anyway, so he started the song, right? And here i was, getting in the moment and started singing along, thinking everyone was gonna do the same. But no! I was the only one singing. And i was singing at the very top of my lungs. and i was about 2-3-4 people away from him and he looked straight at me. No, No. I was not imagining it. He WAS looking at me. And my friend saw, and a couple other girls saw, and then… HE WINKED AND POINTED AT ME. Yes, people, i am not making this up. For that fleeting moment, i was in heaven. Staring at his baby blue eyes, for a moment, he saw me. And I was that awkward 13 year old girl with big brown deer eyes which i swore had tears in them too. Oh, man, was i in love.

 

Check out that last paragraph, how extremely elementary the writing pattern is. Unnecessary caps lock and all :) 

 

So i have this video of how i started crushing on this hunksicle. Check out 1:58 when it turns into a class portrait (or family, whichever suits you) of some sorts.

 

 

Then there’s this video, a couple years and a lot of inches of hair shed after, which i have seen a while ago but i’ve never shared on any of my other blogs.

 

 

Crushes will always be crushes, but this guy holds a special place in my heart just because for one fleeting moment, we shared an amusing experience. Oh, of course i know that he never even remembers that instance. But it’s still a happy thought, isnt it?

 

**

 

dark staircases and empty bathroom stalls

guitar riffs and that steady bass drum

screaming prepubescent girls

 

your sky blue eyes drown everything.

 

and i made you smile.

 

**

 

© Maia Vida : September 8, 2010

Cheated

 

So today, i cheated on my project.

 

I skipped a song. just ONE, i swear 🙂

 

i was not in the mood to write anything along the lines of love-love-love (as most of my itunes songs are) so i skipped.

 

i have been having weird dreams. dreams that are all crazy and all over the place. but all of them have recurring themes though. this resulted to my bookmarking a dream interpretation website on my phone, just in case i wake up from such weird dreams.

 

and thing is, in my dreams, its not even things that i have in my subconscious. the things that my dreams reveal to me are those things that i already know, but have always been pushing aside to ‘cope’. and i was never one to ‘just cope’. i process things, go through the emotion, and then learn from it.

 

and somewhere along the years, i havent been doing to. ive just been dealing with things.

 

so the song i cheated with, of course, tells me the same thing. i need to get back to good. back to things that matter. because everything else is pointless without a lot of thought into it.

 

**

 

It’s nothing, it’s so normal you
Just stand there I could say so much
But I don’t go there cuz I don’t want to
I was thinking if you were lonely
Maybe we could leave here and no one would know
At least not to the point that we would think so

Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking about
Somebody else
It’s best if we all keep it under our heads
I couldn’t tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do
But I’m lonely now, and I don’t know how
To get it back to good

This don’t mean that, you own me
This ain’t no good, in fact it’s phony as hell
But things worked out just like you wanted too
If you see me out you don’t know me
Try to turn your head, try to give me some room
To figure out just what I’m going to do

So this is the thing about everyone. Everyone has a pre-conceived notion of everyone else. First impressions aren’t really first impressions if before you even meet someone you hear something about them from someone else. The moment that new person comes along and you meet them, don’t you already have a picture of them in your head? So your first impression is already tainted, right? That, i think, is exactly what everyone doesn’t need. How the heck are we supposed to make a good impression if others already expect us to be their version of us? I think we should all give each other breathing room. but honestly, even if saying that you are not affected by others’ opinions, it is still inevitable. right?

 

See this is my problem. I am halfway around the world from where i grew up, where my character was built, and yet there’s still that shadow of expectation following me around. and i have no clue if it’s a good or bad thing because i haven’t had the time to process what kind of character i really am. i mean, i have people coming in at all directions telling me i’m this and i’m that but personally, everything’s a blur. And my dreams aren’t helping either – telling me that i need to let out a part of me that’s been hidden for a while and to let it surface again to make things better. which part?

And everyone here, hates everyone here for doing just like
They do
It’s best if we all keep this quiet instead
And I couldn’t tell, why everyone here was doing me like
They do
But I’m sorry now, and I don’t know how
To get it back to good

Oh, and why is it that halfway around the world, they have this idea that being out here is all peaches and cream? When all this time, i have been wanting to be where they are and try and find what i have lost? I like my life here, sure. But i LOVE how things were before. back in 2005. best year, i think.

Like, i look around and see every smiling face, and i think, ‘are they truly happy?’ and then i find myself scolding myself for being so cynical or being too critical of other people. this is what’s hard about working in customer service. and i’m a big people-watcher too. so here lies to problem. i watch people, i see how they are. and i cant help think about what they do when they’re not waiting for their cups of coffee, or if they’re not spending their money on mall-stuff. how many of all those people i encounter one, two minutes everyday actually feel the way they look?  Am i a hater? Hating everyone who see’s every happy face? Hating because i wish their life was mine? Have i become so cynical?? where did that last train of thought come from?!?? (scratch scratch scratch)

Everyone here, is wondering what it’s like to be with
Somebody else
Everyone here’s to blame, everyone here
Gets caught up in the pleasure of the pain, everyone hides
Shades of shame, but looking inside we’re the same, we’re
The same
And we’re all grown now, but we don’t know how
To get it back to good

We don’t know how to get it back to good. What gives? Whoever makes those self-help brochures better have something to cure this. Rambling helps. And these are just five things that hopefully will help. Number five is my favorite. Works every time.

 

Step One: Stop trying to find problems.

“if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” just because someone else is having a shitty day (week, month, year, life…), doesn’t mean it’s gonna go shitty for you too.

 

Step Two: Breathe.

deeply. except when you’re in downtown.

 

Step Three: Enjoy simple things.

parks. beach. that perfect song. catching your shows on time. your dog’s playfully sweet attempt to get you to scratch the back of their ears.

 

Step Four: Eat. Happiness will always come on a plate, or some sort of serving dish.

“either be a fat jolly kid or a skinny bitch.” – i think that was the line from The Big C (showtime series. Brilliant!). Everyone may lust after a skinny bitch. but everyone loves a fat happy kid. may end up being in the friend zone for a long time, but at least they love you no matter what dress size you are. besides, if you’re mean to everyone, you end up being lonely, and when you’re lonely, you end up filling that void with food. then you get fat – and you dont have friends. sad, right? Eat. not a lot, just eat a good hearty, home-cooked meal every now and then. preferably with friends.

 

Step Five: If all else fails, get in your car, keep the windows up, turn on your stereo, and sing your heart out.

i dare you to try it and not enjoy it. i double dare you. 

 

***

 

(commercial break: i just tried this thing where i closed my eyes and skipped my itunes 12 times. i started with Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance and ended up with We’re Forgiven by The Calling. how weird is my library? )

 

***

 

This is how i work things out. I rant. I ramble. I say a lot of nonsensical things. and i feel better after. doesn’t always mean i make sense, or i resolve anything, but a little bit of clutter has been set aside neatly along the folds of my brains, at least.

 

© Maia Vida : September 6, 2010

Deathly Hallows pictures (via The Harvest Moon)

i LOVE the drawings! 🙂 i wish the other pics were still available though… i would LOVE to see the first one 😐

From deviantART None of these pics were created by me, but while I was looking at them I thought that these ones really should be put in my blog so that you can see them… only after you've read the seventh HP book. SPOILERS! ~ SOILERS! ~ SPOILERS! Don't go on if you haven't read HP and the Deathly Hallows! Ne menj tovább, ha nem olvastad a HP és a halál ereklyéit! One of the greatest scenes of the book! I love Bellatrix and I didn't want her to … Read More

via The Harvest Moon

social Networking Responsibility

I opened wordpress and i see this blog:

 

http://sphysick.wordpress.com/2010/08/10/hangin-on-every-word-that-i-say-they-know-what-im-about/

 

and that person has some very great points about how we should responsibly use all these social networking sites. well, s/he focuses on twitter but i think what s/he says can be applied to all other social networks.

 

I just really liked what’s on there and thought i’d spread the word around 🙂

alone

This may seem inappropriate, but hopefully i can make this work.

 

**

I hear the tickin’ of the clock

I’m lying here the room’s pitch dark

I wonder where you are tonight

No answer on the telephone

And the night goes by so very slow

Till now I always got by on my own

I never really cared until I met you

You don’t know how long I have wanted

To touch your lips and hold you tight

You don’t know how long I have waited

And my love for you is still unknown

**

Does it ever stop? Do I have to stay up like this every night, waiting for you to come home? Will I ever feel safe if you’re not beside me?

 

I’ve called you time and time again, and yet here I sit in the empty living room, waiting for you to tell me where you are and what you have been doing. Am I supposed to just let you do this? Am I not allowed to worry anymore?

 

I remember holding you the first time, how I promised never to let anything bad happen to you. How I swore, that very first time I knew you were coming, that I will give you the world, and that you will always be my baby.

 

And now, you haven’t come home for two days, and I have this sinking feeling in my stomach that something bad has happened, and that you are hurting right now, and that I am not with you to help you.

 

“Mom,”

 

You stumbled into the foyer and I rushed to give you the warmest hug ever.

 

“Please don’t be mad.” Nothing hurts more than to see your face struck with misery. Or to see your handsome face streaked with day-old tears. “I don’t know why she did this to us… We were happy, mom. I thought we were.” And I hugged you again, and I put everything I can into that hug, to tell you that no woman will love you like I will, and that I will never hurt you.

 

We sat on the stairs, and I couldn’t stop myself from remembering how you used to slide down these banisters and into my arms. It feels like yesterday when we’d run around the house, playing hide-and-go-seek. I was your best friend. Until you grew up.

 

And now, sitting here with you in your once crisp tuxedo from the other day’s events, I feel helpless as you cry in my arms, hurt like you’ve never been hurt before.

 

“You just let it all out, hunny. There’s no one here, you’re safe.”

“We should be away right now, on our honeymoon. Why did she have to wait until now?”

“I don’t know, hunny. I don’t know. But everything will be alright.”

“Look at me, a grown man crying on his mother’s lap. No wonder she left.”

 

“Now you listen to me, Anthony.” I held his face in my hands. “You were hurt and there is no shame in crying. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.” It felt like he was five and he had hurt his knee from falling of a tree. “I love you, ok? And we’ll stay here until you’re not hurt anymore.”

 

He smiled, “Mom. I’m hungry.”

 

So I stood and said, “Well, I have bread and soup in the kitchen if you want it.” He smiled back and stood next to me. He gave me a hug and thanked me for waiting up for him to come back. It’s true, he’ll always be that baby boy I held  25 years ago. And I will always be here to make things better for him.

 

**

 

© Maia Vida : August 11, 2010

Hugglewuggle

Tonight’s a surprise.

 

 

For some reason, Nico came to mind when I heard this song.

 

And now i find myself with only 36% battery life left because I spent a good half hour reading my Livejournal Memories of the things he wrote about me.

Ego boost, much??

 

I change my mind. I am going to write about him. Before starting this paragraph, I had typed something like ‘as much as i would like to talk about the happy times with him, i’d rather not’. Then, i remembered how I said i would not censor myself.

 

So here goes.

 

I am on my LJ page right now, well, not mine-mine. but his page. The one where he talks about how we officially were a couple. I dare not link it because I have no idea if he’d like that nor do i have any way of asking his permission. After all, he does have his own life now. And its not up to me to just post stuff from his past that he might not want to remember anymore.

 

I have maybe 3 of his entries in my Memories page. 2 of them of the good times, and then one where i listed as “my misery”. Yeah, that was my hardcore emo/slasher phase (insert maniacal laughter here).

 

“i love the way she drinks lots of coffee in the morning then i tell her to stop drinking too much coffee while holding my own travel mug of coffee filled to the brim. i love the way we try to say sorry to each other (its an art, i tell ya).i love the way she brings me a whole lot closer to being alive again…

she felt so warm and fuzzy to hug. plus, she smelled like, the sunshine… it was like i started hearing a song played by a spring breeze. the gentle and cool breeze you hear as it flows through a grassy knoll, past the wild-flowers, up the great oak tree, and heads towards the pristine blue sky. it was nothing short of paradise on earth.”

Okay, i couldnt help myself. Friends, if you know where to find him, let him know I posted some of his LJ stuff on here? Thanks.

 

What i really want to say though is this:

 

**

 

Dear Kyxer,

 

Hi. It’s been a while since we’ve last talked. I remember sitting across from you on that bright afternoon at Conserve. Perhaps that was your last effort on making things right between us. Not to bring our relationship back to how it was, but to at least give me the closure I thought i deserved.

 

There are a lot of things I remember from that conversation. Most of it stuck in my head, believe it or not. A lot of things need not be said too. The pregnant pauses and nonverbal ellipses were too much. I couldn’t wrap my head around the tension that was between two people who used to think of the world about each other. That conversation was worse than that of what we had in that silly little restaurant, where you probably knew I would not make a scene at.

 

Then again, I was never the one to make a scene in our relationship, right? Oh right, scratch that. I remember a couple on instances now. Forget I said that 🙂

 

But you know what the ironic thing is? I seriously don’t remember those awkward moments as much as i remember the fun times. I think i even remember the first ever conversation we had.

 

Do you remember the time when one of our professors called you out in front of the whole class? Or the time we cut classes to go see Mikey in the hospital? I remember you going up to the Malate room to pick me up. Man, i smoked a LOT when we were together. OH, Halloween. I loved that day.

 

This open letter, however pointless it may seem, is just my way of telling you that i enjoyed our shared time. One of the things i told you that afternoon at the conserve was out of line. I never should’ve said that, despite how hurt i was. However fleeting our relationship seemed to some people, I’d like to let you know that i learned a lot from you. and that I’m happy that what happened happened.

 

I do hope that you are happy, wherever you are. And I would like to thank you too, for seeing me as how you once saw me. You were always expressive on how you felt for me, and i wish you feel that i have treated you the same too.

 

I wish you the best and I truly hope that you have your faery tale come true.

 

Always,

Lae

 

**

 

© Maia Vida : August 6, 2010