Aftermath

 

“Wondering where I am, lost without you

and being apart ain’t easy on this love affair.

Two strangers learn to fall in love again.

I get the joy of rediscovering you.”

**

 

   Ten years. Yet, I still remember everything about this place. I could’ve been gone ten, twenty, fifty years, and these will not have changed. How amazing is it that everything here remains the same, while the world outside has changed so much?

   I should not have waited this long to return.

   You stood in your doorway and held the door open for me. “Maybe that’s not such a good idea.” I hesitated by the old computer desk. “You’re right,” and you closed the door. “We’ll take a walk around the block, yeah?” I offered so you would not be too disappointed.

   “You don’t want to stay still with me?” You were looking down the gray pavement as you kicked a rolling stone.

   “No. Well,” I looked at you. “Not yet, at least.” I turned to the long street ahead. “I missed this street.” There were still children playing local street games, just like they used to.

   “Jason, look,” You turned to me and held my arm. “I know it’s been a while. I want you to know that you being here –“

   “Tina, I just,” I knew it would be best to stop you before I confused you even more than I already have. “I didn’t want to give you the wrong impression by showing up like this. I know we’ve changed. And you,” still are radiant, after all this time. “I know you’ve moved on –“

   “No. Never.”

   “No, listen.”

   “No, Jason. It’s true. She started walking again. This time, back to her house. Maybe I have not thought this whole trip through.

   “Jade’s passing, it hasn’t been that long. And I didn’t expect you to come this soon.” You had been talking softly, seemingly not wanting me to hear. “I didn’t expect you to come at all.”

   “That’s not why I’m here.” I did not follow, and you were already a couple of feet away.

   “Don’t think I’m totally retarded and expect us to pick up right after my wife’s death.” I walked to her, painstakingly taking my time. “I loved Jade. That has not left me. But, it was her who told me to come see you after she’s gone.”

   We walked side by side. “Why?”

   “I think she’s always known. Even before.”

   “Known what?” I knew you only needed me to say it out loud.

   “I was happiest with you. I am happiest with you.”

   We reached my car and I fumbled with my car keys for lack of better things to do. I wished to avoid your eyes. I was unsure of what I’d see in them, and it’s too overwhelming to find out now.

   “Maybe it would be best to do this some other time.” I disabled the car alarm. ""Maybe,” You leaned your back against the car and smiled weakly. “We have a lot of time. I think.” You said.

   “So,” I opened the car door. “Can I call you after I’ve finished moving back?”

   “Of course.”

   And I got into my car and drove away, with another glance back at your familiar face.

 

***

 

It’s nothing new, nothing grand. It entered my head so I wrote. In red ink. On a scratch paper.

 

I missed that.

 

© Maia Vida : July 26, 2010