As serious and heart-wrenching some events in my life have been lately, I find myself wanting to fight back. I admit that there have been one too many times wherein I simply wished to literally just get sucked back into the world or spontaneously implode right where I stand. For the things that have happened in the past few months, I think they only happen in movies, or in sad songs.
So I would like to go back. Start over. Find myself. Resurrect. I’m running out of clever ways to put this out there, but bottom line is, I want to be me again. Modesty aside, I think I was a pretty interesting character before I got lost somewhere.
I have this favorite line from one of my favorite songs: “Another sunny day beneath this cloudless sky. Sometimes I wish that it would rain here and wash away the West Coast streaming from my eyes. There’s nothing real for them to see here.” Three sentences says it all for me. But there will be days when I totally agree with it. There will be days when I totally want to say, “You’re just not looking hard enough!”
Re-reading the last paragraph makes me realise I went totally ahead of myself. Why the song reference about starting over, Maia? I always find myself listening to music when I need to rethink about what’s going on in my life. I automatically revert to it whenever I feel like I don’t know what to do. I always find something mesmerizing about music + lyrics put together. This takes me back to myself. And this is what I plan to do with my year ahead.
Back in high school, I was in the dramatics elective class. I was at my happiest during those classes. I feel like I was home and that I was where I was supposed to be. Like, I was doing something that I was meant to do. Call it the ultimate ego-rush because during those hours I would spend in class, I knew people paid attention to me and I knew what I did meant a lot. It was also my teacher then, who introduced me to probably the best creative exercise, ever. She would encourage us to create an Artist Date every week. It was not compulsory, nor did she give us credits if we did them, it was just an exercise. I took advantage of it. I used the weekly exercises to find my strengths and challenge myself to always not be satisfied and keep working harder at my talent. My teacher told me I had a gift, and that I shouldn’t stop writing, even if the things I wrote seemed nonsensical. Its not as if she was saying that because she had to or because she was my teacher, but I seriously think that she’s a main influence in how I’ve turned out to be as an aspiring writer.
So I have created this account, a place where I can let my mind run with my imagination at random moments. I want to record my insane imagination and weird thoughts as much as I can without rambling, and with the conscious effort to make sense.
Everyday, before sleeping, I shall write about one song I have played at random on my iPod. Or I shall draw about it, or take a photo of something that I can link to the song. Anything that would express my sentiments or thoughts about that song.
Rules:
1. I cannot write about the same song twice
2. I cannot pick which song I want to spend the date with.
3. My iPod shall be on shuffle mode, not on any specific play list.
4. I must write everyday. No matter how tired I am, no matter how short or long an entry would be, I shall write.
I was hoping I could start today but I have woken up at 12nn after having 3 glasses of wife and 8 shots of Patron last night. After finally getting out of bed, I spent the good 3 hours trying to shake off the stomachache from getting sick all night. When I was functional again, I did a general cleaning of our house, trying to organise my physical space before everything else. I’ve been thinking about dong this for a while and I really want to make this right.
I will make myself find me. I need to do this. Wish me luck.
© Maia Vida: January 1, 2010
waring hiraya 