Hugglewuggle

Tonight’s a surprise.

 

 

For some reason, Nico came to mind when I heard this song.

 

And now i find myself with only 36% battery life left because I spent a good half hour reading my Livejournal Memories of the things he wrote about me.

Ego boost, much??

 

I change my mind. I am going to write about him. Before starting this paragraph, I had typed something like ‘as much as i would like to talk about the happy times with him, i’d rather not’. Then, i remembered how I said i would not censor myself.

 

So here goes.

 

I am on my LJ page right now, well, not mine-mine. but his page. The one where he talks about how we officially were a couple. I dare not link it because I have no idea if he’d like that nor do i have any way of asking his permission. After all, he does have his own life now. And its not up to me to just post stuff from his past that he might not want to remember anymore.

 

I have maybe 3 of his entries in my Memories page. 2 of them of the good times, and then one where i listed as “my misery”. Yeah, that was my hardcore emo/slasher phase (insert maniacal laughter here).

 

“i love the way she drinks lots of coffee in the morning then i tell her to stop drinking too much coffee while holding my own travel mug of coffee filled to the brim. i love the way we try to say sorry to each other (its an art, i tell ya).i love the way she brings me a whole lot closer to being alive again…

she felt so warm and fuzzy to hug. plus, she smelled like, the sunshine… it was like i started hearing a song played by a spring breeze. the gentle and cool breeze you hear as it flows through a grassy knoll, past the wild-flowers, up the great oak tree, and heads towards the pristine blue sky. it was nothing short of paradise on earth.”

Okay, i couldnt help myself. Friends, if you know where to find him, let him know I posted some of his LJ stuff on here? Thanks.

 

What i really want to say though is this:

 

**

 

Dear Kyxer,

 

Hi. It’s been a while since we’ve last talked. I remember sitting across from you on that bright afternoon at Conserve. Perhaps that was your last effort on making things right between us. Not to bring our relationship back to how it was, but to at least give me the closure I thought i deserved.

 

There are a lot of things I remember from that conversation. Most of it stuck in my head, believe it or not. A lot of things need not be said too. The pregnant pauses and nonverbal ellipses were too much. I couldn’t wrap my head around the tension that was between two people who used to think of the world about each other. That conversation was worse than that of what we had in that silly little restaurant, where you probably knew I would not make a scene at.

 

Then again, I was never the one to make a scene in our relationship, right? Oh right, scratch that. I remember a couple on instances now. Forget I said that 🙂

 

But you know what the ironic thing is? I seriously don’t remember those awkward moments as much as i remember the fun times. I think i even remember the first ever conversation we had.

 

Do you remember the time when one of our professors called you out in front of the whole class? Or the time we cut classes to go see Mikey in the hospital? I remember you going up to the Malate room to pick me up. Man, i smoked a LOT when we were together. OH, Halloween. I loved that day.

 

This open letter, however pointless it may seem, is just my way of telling you that i enjoyed our shared time. One of the things i told you that afternoon at the conserve was out of line. I never should’ve said that, despite how hurt i was. However fleeting our relationship seemed to some people, I’d like to let you know that i learned a lot from you. and that I’m happy that what happened happened.

 

I do hope that you are happy, wherever you are. And I would like to thank you too, for seeing me as how you once saw me. You were always expressive on how you felt for me, and i wish you feel that i have treated you the same too.

 

I wish you the best and I truly hope that you have your faery tale come true.

 

Always,

Lae

 

**

 

© Maia Vida : August 6, 2010